DAY ELEVEN -- ugh

DAY ELEVEN -- ugh

5.16.2020

I woke up in a terrible mood.

It was one of those mornings when I woke up mad at the world. Quarantine is really getting to me. I'm typically a pretty introverted person who'd rather be alone, but I miss my friends and cousins a lot. Especially Brandon. We haven't been apart in like this since the time he worked at Buzzfeed briefly, but even then he flew up to see me almost every 2-3 weeks because we missed each other so much. Typically during the weekends pre-quarantine, I'd be staying over at his place, getting brunch, going out to dinner with our friends, learning how to make new cocktails, etc. During the weekend, I especially miss those days of doing everything and nothing with him, and I start to get lonely. I have my brothers here with me at home to keep me company, but Brandon's company is my favorite.

This morning, we had our weekly movie/FaceTime date where we watch movies that I haven't seen yet, but I found myself just so angry at everything and just lashing out at him for no reason. I feel so guilty because it was triggered by just the smallest thing that didn't matter, and it almost ruined our virtual date. I didn't mean to get so angry; it was just so easy to express all my emotions towards him and anger was the first one I felt. It wasn't any excuse for me to lash out at him though, and I still feel so bad. Another goal of mine is to try to keep my emotions in check better. Especially now, I don't want to have my emotions run everywhere and not having control of them.

One thing that I need to remember is that lashing out in frustration over small things isn't going to fix anything. If anything, it's going to cause more problems for me and the people that I love. If anyone has had trouble controlling their emotions, but found a way to better reel them in please let me know! I want to be the best person that I can be for the people I care about.

Much love,

Diane