Let's start this challenge with positivity.

I've been filling my mind with a lot of unnecessary negativity throughout this quarantine that have been having a domino effect. One bad thought would appear right after another until it would keep looping in my mind like a frame by frame animation that would illustrate a picture of myself that was familiar, but unrecognizable. I didn't realize how bad it was until one night I was curled up in my bed with tears in my eyes feeling so alone and full of self-hatred.

You should feel alone. You're a terrible person. You're a terrible daughter. You're a terrible sister. You're a terrible girlfriend.

A majority of my life until now has been full me searching for validation in other people.

Would they like me if I did this? If I acted like this? If I succeeded like this?

I can blame this trait on so many things, but I don't want to anymore. I want to be able to overcome seeking validation in other people and just being happy and fulfilled as a person to myself. In the end of the day, I need to do what feels right for myself and treat myself with love and care in order for me to grow. I never talk about my friends or other people like the way I've been talking about myself, so why am I doing that to my myself?

I've done this exercise before in a previous post (a couple of years ago), but I wanted to do it again today.

5 Things I Love About Myself

  1.  My ability to pick up new skills quickly. I think I've been blessed with picking up skills quickly without having to struggle as much. I've been able to jump around with new projects at work and home pretty seamlessly. For new skills, I'm able to relate it back with another skill I have to help myself grasp new concepts quickly.
  2. My fashion sense. One thing that I didn't like about myself before was the fact that I've never been able to just stay in one category of fashion and style. From going back to the beginning of my blog until now, my style has jumped from wearing skirts and heels to baggy pants and sneakers. In fact, my sneaker collection is almost double the amount of my heel collection which is saying a lot considering I've been collecting heels for a years. I'm proud to say that I'm able to really dress for any occasion, but still feel like myself.
  3. I don't give up easily. I'm a very competitive person to both myself and others. I like to push myself hard to make sure I pass the finish line no matter what place I'm at. No matter how I'm feeling or the circumstances, I'm dedicated to at least finishing what I've started.
  4. My creativity. I hesitated writing this because I didn't feel like I was a creative person, but I looked around the room and saw things that I've created that I felt proud of. Also it helps that I majored in an art field, so I have to have at least some creativity in me. I love being able to think of concepts that I can do in real life, 2D, and in 3D. Not a lot of people are able to express themselves creatively like that, and I love that I'm able to do that.
  5. My laughter. Is that weird to say? Probably. It's a real "love hearing myself talk" moment, but I really do love my laugh. It's weird, obnoxious, loud, and I used to get teased a lot about it, but whenever I laugh, I know I'm genuinely happy. It's something that I feel I haven't done in a while since quarantine started, but whenever I'm talking to my cousins or Brandon and I laugh then I feel happy that I'm alive.

I know this quarantine/stay in place is hard for a lot of people right now, especially those of you who are alone at home, but I hope that if you're in a similar headspace as me right now that you can also write a list of things that you love about yourself, too. I know that it can be hard to do and take a while, but as soon as they're out there and written down, it definitely feels more tangible and freeing.

Much love,

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